Donald Miller is one of my favorite authors because he writes honestly and deeply about faith, relationships, and trying to live a meaningful life. When I heard he was writing a book about intimacy and vulnerability, it was a no-brainer to pre-order it. I read the whole thing in one day, alternately overjoyed and disgruntled depending on if his words hit a little too hard to home.
Scary Close is not a self-help book. Instead, it is Don’s story of how he grew into relational health after realizing he consistently found himself in manipulative relationships in which he was trying to use a woman to fulfill his own deep-seated needs. Sometimes I felt like he was peeking into my brain, especially when he described how he has always used humor, intelligence, and writing to get people to like him. It was helpful, then, that he shared a lot of the wisdom he has received from therapists, friends, and his fiancee Betsy.
Incredibly engaging and very readable, everyone should read Scary Close. We all hide our true selves in different ways and to different degrees, but Don encourages his readers to drop the act. It is only when we are our real selves–good, bad, shameful, wise–that we can receive unconditional love.
We both have our independence and freedom, but we have those things with each other. It’s a paradox, but it works. It all reminded me of what my friend Henry Cloud told me, that when two people are entirely and completely separate they are finally compatible to be one. Nobody’s self-worth lives inside of another person. Intimacy means we are independently together.
New York Times best-selling memoirist Donald Miller takes readers on his yearlong journey to learn to abandon performance-based relationships and find real intimacy.
After decades of failed relationships and painful drama, Donald Miller decided he’d had enough. Impressing people wasn’t helping him connect with anyone. He’d built a life of public isolation, yet he dreamed of meaningful relationships. So at forty years old he made a scary decision: to be himself no matter what it cost.
From the author of Blue Like Jazz comes a book about the risk involved in choosing to impress fewer people and connect with more, about the freedom that comes when we stop acting and start loving. It is a story about knocking down old walls to create a healthy mind, a strong family, and a satisfying career. And it all feels like a conversation with the best kind of friend: smart, funny, true, important.
Release Date: February 2015