Ilvermorny and Eaglecrest: Sorted into American Wizarding Schools

Always the land of diversity, we here in the US have not one but TWO wizarding schools (one official, one made up in the wonderful world of the Internet, which is…very American):  Ilvermorny and Eaglecrest.  I wanted to sort myself in both and see what happened!

Screen Shot 2016-07-22 at 11.37.38 AM

On Pottermore, J.K. Rowling recently announced that the United States has its own wizarding school, Ilvermorny.  While it is AMAZING to have a Hogwarts of our own, the school has been pretty controversial.  Each house is represented by Native American legends, which could be cool if it were coherent or based in a narrative where Native Americans created the school.  Instead, Irish wizards created Ilvermorny and adapted Native American culture as they saw fit, which is…pretty problematic.  

Still, I’m a curious and loyal fan, so I wanted to be sorted into Ilvermorny so that my Potterverse soul would know where I belong.

Screen Shot 2016-07-22 at 11.45.25 AMI’m in Thunderbird, which is a “beast that can create storms as it flies. Thunderbird house is sometimes considered to represent the soul of a witch or wizard. It is also said that Thunderbird favours adventurers.”  That’s fitting, I think!  Especially since Pottermore sorted me into Gryffindor, and they seem kind of similar (adventurers, etc).

But let’s move on to the part of the blog I’m really excited about…Eaglecrest!


Eaglecrest is the US wizarding school located in Mount Rushmore led by Headbroster Joe Biden, who confronts rulebreakers by gently putting his forehead on theirs and saying, “You can do better, champ.”  This amazingly obnoxious American school was created by the manically creative Sashayed, and it is everything we deserve.

The four houses at Eaglecrest are Bluthyoncé, Justitopia, Laxdisick, and Shrugstagram (check out more details on them here), and the Sorting Hat song has me screaming with how perfect it is:

Oh say can you see EAGLESCREST,
Where FREEDOM is our song?
Just kidding, you’re not free at all.
I’ll say where you belong.

You might belong in Bluthyoncé,
where weirdo glamour rules.
They love sharp wit and fizzy drinks
And boys from other schools.

(And sometimes girls.)

Perhaps in Justitopia
Your Self will be supported:
You’ll vegan be, and read Chomsky,
And protest being Sorted.

Or maybe up in Laxdisick,
clad in Nantucket Red,
You’ll tie a cardi round your neck
And crush beers on your head.

And last of all is Shrugstagram
Where all are like, “Whatever.”
There’s wifi and the beds are soft
And wakeup time is never.

At EAGLESCREST four houses stand,
But all of us are buddies,
Because this is AMERICA!!!!!,
Plus no one ever studies.

And since “students are assigned to a House upon entry, but in acknowledgement of the complexity of human nature and the FREEDOM of AMERICA, each also chooses a Minor or Secondary House at which they spend at least one week per semester,” here is my official Eaglecrest house (sorted by Buzzfeed) as well as my Freedom-Chosen second house.

Screen Shot 2016-07-22 at 11.51.33 AMI’m in Bluthyoncé!!  I don’t think I’m QUITE girly enough to fully belong, but I can totally get down with a house devoted to silliness and indulgence, especially with our House Princess Mindy Kaling and House Ghost Dorothy Parker.

As for my second house, I think I’d have to go with…Justitopia?  I think that’s a good combination that fits my soul.  Sometimes I care about things VERY DEEPLY but also I need some careless frippery in my life.  Honestly, probably they should be flipped, and since this is AMERICA, I’m gonna say that I’m actually Justitopia with a side of Bluthyoncé, and I don’t think Headbroster Joe Biden will care.

Have you sorted yourself into either Ilvermorny or Eaglecrest?  Actually, I don’t care about that so much as this question:  which wizarding school do you think should be the REAL face of American wizards?  I think I’ve made my opinion very clear, but…you’re free to agree with me all you’d like (that’s a very Justitopia suggestion, huh?).


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