I am only JUST feeling human again after cuddling with my cat for the past couple hours. It has been such a crazy couple weeks, especially because my (very fun) trip to Thessaloniki last weekend gave me no time to rest before another crazy week.
The hardest part about being the Program Coordinator at HD is that now all the conflict comes to me. I’m the one making decisions for the Day Program now, which means that those who don’t like my decisions come to tell me so. Which, like, for a healthy human, is no big deal. But I have a little baby heart that assumes everyone is just waiting to hate me, so when three different people came to tell me “we need to talk,” I almost died. Well, what I really did was whine and complain to a dear friend “why can’t everyone be happy with everything I do always so I can be secure in their love and admiration???”, and then I sucked it up and kept going.
It really wasn’t even a big deal. I am privileged to work with wonderful people who preface their complaints with “I might be blowing this out of proportion because I am stressed, but…” and coworkers who defend me and seek to understand me. But still, I’m physically repulsed by conflict, and it’s hard going. I’m glad for it – I want to get more comfortable with conflict – but knowing it will be better in the future doesn’t fully take away the sting of fear in the present.
I’m so glad I have this job only this year, after I built up friends and a support system. On Tuesday night I went to Rosie’s for our first K-Drama club…four people in attendance to watch a new series together! Nerds unite! And on Thursday, after a stressful and long day at work, Luciana made us soup and then we watched the final episode of Coffee Prince! I love that she wound up loving the show, and I love even more that it inspired her to research the current political climate of North and South Korea. I have the coolest friends.
On Friday, we didn’t have classes so that we could prepare for a baby shower we threw for two of our participants who are due to give birth within the next month. It was a really sweet time, though sad in a way. Baby showers are meant to be shared with family, and these women have only known us for two months. But that’s kind of what we’re about at HD: taking ugly situations and making something beautiful anyway.
I came home to a party at my house, and I sat and kind of participated for as long as I deemed socially acceptable. But it didn’t help my introvert batteries when I woke up early on Saturday to join the other HD staff on our first weekend retreat. I took three naps throughout the day (always a good sign that my body is craving the sweet release of…no people) and avoided group activities in favor of staying in my room to read.
By Sunday, though, I was feeling more sociable, and the sunny weather highlighting some really stunning scenery only helped. We all went to a cave of lakes, strolled through gnarly trees and saw sheep and dogs and swans. We ate fresh trout (it was delicious despite having a head) and drank coffee and did things together that wasn’t work. It was a really nice time, but I was still very excited to get home to my bed and my cat. Here’s hoping six hours of introvert time will get me through the next week!