Today we’re kicking off the Ten Years Ago… blog series! This isn’t exactly ten years ago to the day, but I am giving myself a little leeway so that I find more interesting blog posts to share. But I promise to stay within a week of today’s date!
TEN YEARS AGO
November 5, 2005
I got up at 7:00 this morning. Ungodly. Earlier than school. Why would I do such a thing? To rake leaves. Yeah. Actually, it was pretty cool because I wasn’t going to (or just call later and meet everyone elsewhere), but I felt like God wanted me to. If for no other reason than because He wanted me to, and it was a test sort of thing. So I went. And people cheered when I walked into church. Hahaha. My bad habits are well-known.
We (the youth group and RAs [little boys] were split into two teams. Ours went to the Steeres (where we got hot chocolate and doughnuts…mmm…), Knights, and the Abels. Then we all recongregated at church for lunch, which was grilled hotdogs and chips and that sort of thing. I finished up my mood/emotion roll, but I don’t think it’s very good. I mean, they’re good pictures (I hope) but I don’t think they’re very moodful. And we definately set a pumpkin on fire. It was sweet. A great way to capture 30 odd kids’, teenagers’, and adults’ attentions.
Then we all went to the Adams’ to rake, which was easy. Troy and I explored around their woods afterwards, with some little boys, and that was fun. I love woods. Like, if given the choice between mountains, beaches, or forests, I would choose forests. Especially this one, because ALL the leaves were yellow, and the ground was covered in yellow leaves, and it was just gorgeous. But we had to leave.
I finished two more term paper paragraphs (3/4 done!) and did a lot of other stuff while procrastinating. Mom brought home Famous Dave’s for dinner (I ate two corn muffins, Sam…mmmm) and that was delicious.
Then I met ‘the gang’ hahaha at Owen’s Center for some ice skating. That was fun, although I felt like a mom, helping Emily out, since she’s never ice skated before. What a tragic childhood she must have led. But it was awesome. I love it. The coldness, but hotness because you’re moving along, the gliding (almost flying), the oh crap I’m going to fall oh wait I didn’t, and just the awesomeness of friends running into each other and laughing and…I love it.
We were going to do Steak and Shake afterwards, but the parentals of most said no. So that was that. And it was crazy raining on the way home, and I actually got a little scared. I was just following the person in front of me, and when lightning would strike, everyone was driving in between two lanes. Oops. And the thunder vibrated the car. And I could barely see. It was an adventure.
This might be my yearbook quote:
“On a night without the moon or stars you can’t see a thing, but you can imagine anything.”
Where to even begin? It’s kind of disorienting, getting back in my own head, and realizing how much I still think the same way: all the run on sentences and the jumping thoughts and the desperation to make every single detail of my life known. I think I have learned a little restraint in the years since, but honestly, I like my old style too.
I remember that day, raking leaves and taking pictures for a photography class. And contrary to what this blog post would lead you to believe, I was NOT happy. I was actually feeling a lot of unhappy emotions, and I wrote about none of it. It shows how even incessant blogging does not reveal a whole person, but it also makes me sad. I wanted to be known so badly, but I wasn’t sharing the really important stuff. Not that I should have; it was too personal. But I know I didn’t tell anyone about what I was feeling in person. That didn’t come for another seven years.
Also, that whole “being tested by God” thing at the beginning? Ugh. I remember those years. God was taskmaster, and every little second of my day was a lesson. I have mixed feelings about that, because part of me loved it. I felt like God was always near. But looking back, so much of that was either 1) me glorying in my own abilities and determination, or 2) blaming “God” for my own needs/desires/goals. Because the truth is, I got up that day because I was sick of myself for being sad, and I didn’t want anyone else to know. But I called my decision “God.”
I don’t know. I was so earnest back then. But I think life is more complicated. God is more gracious. I have more freedom. But again…I miss that side of me a little bit. Life was easier when it was a series of hoops to jump through.