I need a vacation! I’m running on a tank that is constantly on the edge of empty…not that work is so hard, necessarily, but I’m realizing that it’s very difficult to start a new organization while simultaneously adjusting to living in a new city in a new country with new friends. I’m tiiiiiired of living abroad, is what I’m complaining.
(Also, it’s summer, and every summer I am not in Peoria makes me extremely homesick, because all the trips! and events! and random parties! ugh)
Not in the sort of way where I’m going to change any of my plans, but in the sort of “life is not easy” way. Just. For anyone who is worried/hopeful that this means I will be returning to the States. I’m just complaining, nothing more!
Complaining, but honestly? This week was pretty okay! It’s just overwhelming (oh man, this post is going to be so one-note emotional, I apologize if that is not your jam).
SA came this week. They are the Canadian organization that trained us at HD, that evaluated our team last year, that gives us most of our money while we establish our own support base. So it was a very important and stressful visit!
I think it’s hardest because they are so good at their job, which is basically just knowing people. They could stare right into my soul!! I knew they knew I am a needy little perfectionist, and every time I jumped up to get water, or take notes, or lead a class, and oh-so-demurely insisted that I didn’t crave attention or validation (I DO – GIVE ME BOTH CONSTANTLY) I could just see in their eyes that they saw right through me.
Which is fine? They’re also very good at loving people in the midst of their dysfunction, but…I don’t want people to think I’m dysfunctional! Ugh, man, anyway that’s getting far too personal when I could be talking surface.
The GREAT thing is this: They said that of all the safe houses they have established around the world, we are THE BEST. For real. They were very impressed with our building, with our organization, with the strong team relationships, and with our fundraising to date. They gave us a 10/10, which is AMAZING.
But! With great actions comes more responsibility, so during multiple training sessions and conversations, they gave us a vision of the next phase and the tools to accomplish it. They’re totally doable and will someday be routine, but for now I think we are all kind of dazed by the new workload.
Outside of work…not much to report! Natasha and I have found a good roommate routine, I think, with the living established as the “I’m willing to interact with another human being” space and our bedrooms as “Leave me alone” space. We’ve had some really great conversations about Sabbath rest, about sexuality, and about emotions – many of my favorite topics! And on Thursday I went back to the Bible College to hang out with Olympia and Ioanna, which was really fun.
Tonight I’m going to Luciana’s wedding. I’m so excited to go, but also feeling nervous because I only just realized I’ll be taking an hour and a half of public transport in a nice dress, which feels weird, and that when I arrive I will know only two people. I am horrified, but I’m hereby giving myself permission to leave as early as I need to. Honestly, I think it’ll be fun, but anxiety doesn’t care about things like that.
Well. This was a downer.
I need a vacation (in two weeks I’m spending the weekend in Cappadocia with Roy and Idil, and I CANNOT WAIT)!!
I am so grateful that you feel free to express yourself in your writings. That makes you real and people can see themselves in your feelings. Your transparency is revealing, yet comforting, so the more you share, the more cathartic it will be for you. Your true friends will understand or they are not true. Ask a missionary and they will reveal that they feel exactly the same as you. All are human and have human needs. What you are doing is good, though difficult so hang in there. You have my kudos.
Thank you Sally! I really appreciate the encouragement and the assurance that not being UP all the time is okay. 🙂