attraction

A roommate conversation at the dinner table:

Me: I just read an article about how there are five cat personalities, and Hans Harrison is definitely a “human cat” because he loves snuggles and invading personal space.

Roommate #1: A guy was telling me today about how men are dogs and women are cats.

Me: Okay, but there are five cat personalities, so, gender binaries are restrictive.

Roommate #1: He said that men fall in love very quickly, and women are more hesitant. They evaluate a guy before liking him.

Me: No, that guy is totally wrong! It’s not a man/woman thing, it’s just a personality thing. Think of all the girls who see a guy and fall head over heels in love with him.

Roommate #2: I evaluate. It takes me a long time to decide if I like a guy or not. Don’t you?

Me: No! It doesn’t happen very often, but when I do fall in love with a guy, I go from meeting him to realizing we are soulmates within 24 hours.

Roommate #2: Okay, but don’t you like it when men pursue you and convince you to give them a chance?

Me: NO. That is a huge turnoff.

Roommate #1: Huh.

Me: Oh no. Am I the DOG in the house with three cats?? That is so unfair!

Roommate #2: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Me: Or maybe it just means that I am attracted to cats!

Roommate #1: HAHAHAHAHA.

Me: No, not like, cats, but like you, but not like you—

Roommate #2: We are learning a lot about each other.

There is a stereotype in Western culture that good girls like bad boys, and like all stereotypes, there is some truth and some lies to it. [A caveat: this is not about girls liking bad boys in movies! How could we not? Villains are often attractive people with a confident sense of humor who are more fully developed characters than their heroic counterparts. Everyone crushes on movie bad boys; that is not what this post is about.]

Although not all “good girls” (which is a ridiculous label) like “bad boys” (also ridiculous), I think it is probably a true statement that women are often attracted to people who they know aren’t good for them. And although I don’t have personal experience as a man, I’m willing to bet that men are often attracted to women that they know are bad for them. So why do we do it? Continue reading →