A roommate conversation at the dinner table:
Me: I just read an article about how there are five cat personalities, and Hans Harrison is definitely a “human cat” because he loves snuggles and invading personal space.
Roommate #1: A guy was telling me today about how men are dogs and women are cats.
Me: Okay, but there are five cat personalities, so, gender binaries are restrictive.
Roommate #1: He said that men fall in love very quickly, and women are more hesitant. They evaluate a guy before liking him.
Me: No, that guy is totally wrong! It’s not a man/woman thing, it’s just a personality thing. Think of all the girls who see a guy and fall head over heels in love with him.
Roommate #2: I evaluate. It takes me a long time to decide if I like a guy or not. Don’t you?
Me: No! It doesn’t happen very often, but when I do fall in love with a guy, I go from meeting him to realizing we are soulmates within 24 hours.
Roommate #2: Okay, but don’t you like it when men pursue you and convince you to give them a chance?
Me: NO. That is a huge turnoff.
Roommate #1: Huh.
Me: Oh no. Am I the DOG in the house with three cats?? That is so unfair!
Roommate #2: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Me: Or maybe it just means that I am attracted to cats!
Roommate #1: HAHAHAHAHA.
Me: No, not like, cats, but like you, but not like you—
Roommate #2: We are learning a lot about each other.
Recently, a person who mostly knows me through the Internet called me an Enneagram 7. For those not well-versed in the Enneagram, a 7 is a personality that is FUN and ENERGETIC and ALWAYS MOVING. I (virtually) laughed in this person’s face and said I am a 4, the personality that is MOODY and EMOTIONAL and DEEP. This person was shocked and argued with me, and I realized…my internet persona IS a 7.
On Facebook, I intentionally try to keep things positive. There is some internet pressure there, to show the best of your life, but I do try to keep things real with silly selfies or self-deprecating jokes. But even the “realness” is framed optimistically. I rarely complain on Facebook, or get into arguments, or share the deep things I’m thinking about. I’ll occasionally get into those things here on my blog, but on Facebook? It’s curated to be a safe, fun place for people to mentally and emotionally check out.
I am fine with this, and people who know me well know that this is not every part of me. It’s not even the most important part of me! But then there are the people who met me once or twice and then only keep up with me via Facebook. I don’t really mind that they don’t know me, so long as our relationship stays online. But when we meet in person? I’m suddenly all “Let’s stay in and watch five hours of TV and then discuss what emotional themes struck us especially hard and why” and they’re like, “Um, jokes?”
This is why I am very skeptical of online relationships and why, for me, online dating is IMPOSSIBLE. I cannot meet someone as a 7 and then reveal myself to be a 4. Especially because, as a 4, it hurts SO MUCH to see someone start to like a version of myself that isn’t actually me.
But I have to say, I like my online persona, and I’m not going to change it. I want Facebook to be feel good and entertaining. I’m comfortable with the knowledge that the people who matter to me know me beyond the Happy Fun Times version available online.
What about you? Do you have a split personality? How do you feel about it?
About a month ago, I wrote about my half-hearted attempt to try Tinder. Since then, I have kept my account…quarter-heartedly? Eighth-heartedly? What I mean is, I open the app every couple days, swipe left on everyone, and close out again.
I know I’m not doing it right. I’ve tried prioritizing different things: first I opened everyone’s profile to see if they wrote anything about themselves. If they didn’t, I automatically swiped left. If they did, more often than not it was something like this, which also resulted in a left swipe:
- “I’ll Channing your Tatum.”
- “All kinds scorn SEX they is CRIME.”
- “My last tweet was longer than my last relationship.”
- “Pigeon King.”
I was recently introduced to quite possibly the simplest, and most fun, personality test. It consists of only three questions, and the results were wildly accurate! If you want to play along, before you read about my answers and discoveries, answer these questions for yourself:
- What is your favorite color? Explain why with a couple sentences.
- What is your favorite animal? Explain why with a couple sentences.
- What is your favorite part of nature? Explain why with a couple sentences.
Don’t skimp on the explanations! That is the important part!
Okay, once you’ve got your answers….here’s what I said. Continue reading
Every time I meet new people, I have to have this conversation:
Person: You’re so friendly! You should come hang out with this group and then that group and then do five more social things!
Me: Yikes, no. I want to go hang out alone in my room for awhile. I’m an introvert.
Person: What? You’re an introvert??
Me: Yes, like, a SUPER introvert.
Person: But you’re so outgoing?
When I took the Birkman Personality Inventory, the man analyzing me pointed out my high need to both BE friendly and have people be friendly BACK. “You’re probably a pretty high extrovert, huh?” he said. I laughed in his face. “No, I’m definitely an introvert.” I felt kind of bad as his face fell, my personality not fitting into his schematics.
Who knew the answer that would balance my dichotomies would come from Pinterest? I was mindlessly scrolling one day when I found this pin: Continue reading
My sending organization made me take a 45-minute long personality inventory last week, and today a man walked me through the results. The Birkman stands apart from Myers-Briggs or the Enneagram because it focuses mainly on the difference between how a person acts, and how they want other people to act toward them.
This is useful in group situations, because most of the time we mirror each other. If I chat for a while before getting to the real issue, chances are you will do the same. Generally, that’s fine, and people want to be treated the way they treat others. But occasionally, the way you interact with the world is NOT the way you want the world to interact with you. That’s totally okay, but it can be confusing (both for you and for the people working with you). The Birkman tries to erase that confusion so that you can pre-emptively inform someone: “Hey, I like to chat a while, but I’d really prefer if you just got straight to the point with me. Thanks!” Continue reading
My friend sent me a link to this article, “Here’s Why You’re Still Single Based on Your Myers-Briggs Personality Type” which I immediately knew would be up my alley. Singleness? Personality tests? Self-awareness? Yes please to everything.
I scrolled down to INFJ….and barked a surprised laugh before staring open-mouthed at my phone. Continue reading