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Not With Haste

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Listening to Mumford & Sons’ Wilder Minds has got me listening to all of Mumford’s albums and fangirling over their beautiful lyrics all over again.  The line that gets me the most, every time, is from “Not With Haste” on their Babel album.

I will love with urgency but not with haste.

For a while, I wanted to hang a stylized version of this quote in my counseling office (whenever I get one of those).  I like the vulnerability and healthiness conveyed in its sentence.  It is boundaries explained in poetry.  I love the idea of learning how to love deeply and fully while also being slow, letting the other person feel however they want, trusting that the love is enough without forcing it down someone else’s throat.

This is something I could learn in every relationship, but especially in romantic ones.  When I like someone, and my word, especially during those beautiful moments when someone likes me back, I go crazy.  I love with urgency and with haste.  I am desperate for my love to be affirmed, desperate to be sure that they are still into me, desperate to move this thing along toward commitment so that I can stop worrying it will all fall apart.

Unsurprisingly, this doesn’t usually go well.  For them, obviously, because that level of neediness is always unappealing to healthy people.  But for me too!  Loving with urgency and haste is a recipe for anxiety, and I definitely don’t need more of that in my life.

But to love with urgency and not with haste?  That sounds lovely.  To give of myself and expect nothing back?  How remarkably refreshing.  To trust that whatever happens will happen, but here in this moment I am open to love?

This ain’t no sham
I am what I am
I leave no time
For a cynic’s mind

We will run and scream
You will dance with me
Fulfill our dreams and we’ll be free

Falling in Love with Mumford & Sons All Over Again

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Mumford & Sons has been one of my favorite bands for the last five years.  Naturally, when they announced their new album, I was ecstatic.  Also naturally, when I first heard their single “Believe” on the radio, I was appalled.  Rock had replaced folk, and my knee-jerk reaction was to recoil from change.

However, my love is nothing if not loyal, so I bought their album with the intention of listening to it until I loved it.  So far I’ve listened through the whole thing twice.  I might have done more, but I got stuck on “Broad-Shouldered Beasts.”  THIS SONG.  This song reminded me of everything I love about Mumford & Sons.  It’s still not folk and there’s still no banjo, but the heart of the band is the same.  Continue reading →

Jack Handey Quotes

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I like to think of myself as a mixture of high brow and low brow, of deep compassion and dark humor.  Maybe nothing expresses my interest in low brow dark humor quite so well as Jack Handey and his Deep Thoughts.  Here are a few of my favorites for your enjoyment and/or disapproval.

A funny thing to do is, if you’re out hiking and your friend gets bitten by a poisonous snake, tell him you’re going to go for help, then go about ten feet and pretend that *you* got bit by a snake. Then start an argument with him about who’s going to go get help. A lot of guys will start crying. That’s why it makes you feel good when you tell them it was just a joke.

Continue reading →

Linkin Park Preaches the Gospel

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I used to think Christians have a monopoly on truth.  I thought that only we could see the world as it truly is.  But I have since come to realize that most humans are on the same page.  We all have a deep awareness of the fact that this world–and the people in it–is capable of beauty and extreme horror.  And I think we all know that something needs to be done in order for the beauty to redeem the horror.  I do think that Christians hold the final piece to the puzzle, the part that says Jesus and proclaims a God who died and rose again in humble love for a rebellious people. But there are people all over the planet, holding to all sorts of religions, who see the other pieces of the puzzle.   Continue reading →

Things I Will Miss About Texas: The Concerts

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By far my favorite thing about living in Dallas (within range of Austin) has been the live music.  I’ve had the opportunity to see bands that would never have passed through Central Illinois.  Below are my five favorite concerts!

IMG_43591)  Sufjan Stevens.

EASY CHOICE.  Sufjan Steven’s Sing-A-Long Christmas Tour was the best concert experience of my life.  Alternating between original music and classic Christmas songs, this concert felt like a massive family gathering of weirdos celebrating a holiday together.  Spinning the Christmas wheel to decide which hymn or carol we would belt out together, Sufjan felt like a friend.  That is, until he brought things back around to “Casmir Pulaski Day” and reminded everyone that he is, in fact, a genius.

The concert ended with the incredibly long “Christmas Unicorn.”  Sufjan donned streamers and a bike helmet outfitted with a wing and a unicorn horn.  Everyone swayed and sang, “I’m the Christmas unicorn / Find the Christmas unicorn / You’re the Christmas unicorn too / It’s all right, I love you.”  It was absolutely ridiculous and lovely.  I wish I could welcome the Christmas season with a Sufjan concert every year.  Continue reading →

On Reading Books Meant for Children

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In On Three Ways of Writing for Children, C. S. Lewis says:

When I was ten, I read fairy tales in secret and would have been ashamed if I had been found doing so. Now that I am fifty I read them openly. When I became a man I put away childish things, including the fear of childishness and the desire to be very grown up.

I’ve gone through the same cycle.  I loved kid’s books when I was in elementary school.  But then I became known as a “reader,” which for some reason felt like I needed to step up my game.  I read The Three Musketeers in sixth grade, and I got hooked on the classics.  I read Austen, Brontë, Shakespeare, Fitzgerald.  I became a bit of a book snob (the Harry Potter series excepted), and I spent all of my time in book stores and libraries scanning the “Literature” section.  I took great pride in being a teenager not in “Young Adult” section.  Continue reading →

Apps I Can’t Live Without

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We live in a beautiful age of constant entertainment and distractions.  I am, of course, talking about smart phones, and the apps that give me immense joy.

    1. Candy+crushCandy Crush.
      What is this, 2012?  MIGHT AS WELL BE, because I can’t stop playing this addicting game (and its counterpart, the even better Candy Crush Soda).  Getting to level 350 has been a tough road.  There have been levels that were so fun I accidentally passed on the first try.  And there were other, hellish levels that kept me stuck for a month.  No matter how hard I try, I just can’t quit Candy Crush.
    2. facebook-icon-appFacebook.
      As much as I love Instagram and Snapchat, Facebook remains my go-to social connection app.  It’s the easiest way to share thoughts and pictures with every circle of friends and acquaintances, however emotionally close or distant.  While other apps establish a niche in pictures or quotes, Facebook says, “I’ll take it all.  Don’t click too many extra buttons!”  It’s the catchall of social media, and I am nothing if not lazy.
    3. com.nexonm.dominations.adk-logoDomiNations.
      Okay, so this is a little quick to be throwing around “Apps I Can’t Live Without.”  I’ve only had DomiNations for a week, but it has been an extremely obsessed week.  This app is a better version of Clash of Clans.  You get to choose a historical nation and actual historical landmarks (I’ve got a Babylonian Hanging Gardens decorating my Chinese civilization).  And instead of meaninglessly advancing through levels, you march through time, from the Stone Age to the Space Age.  It is helplessly addicting, and I highly recommend everyone waste their time on it.
    4. unnamedBuzzFeed.
      Easily my most used app when bored.  The staff at BuzzFeed is excellent about keeping a steady stream of news articles, quizzes, videos, and photo compilations uploaded.  There are times that I check their feed after five minutes only to be delighted by new content.  They are witty, socially on the nose, and unapologetically feminist.  Three of my favorite things.
    5. 095_timehop-1170x563Timehop.
      What is the point of the Internet if not to keep your treasured memories stored for all of eternity?  Timehop saves you the tortured minutes of scrolling through old photo albums or Twitter feeds.  Instead, every day the app brings memories to you!  Honestly, I’m only slightly ashamed to admit that most days, before I even get out of bed, I check to see the new day’s Timehop info.  What did I do one year ago?  Or six?  I’ll never need to use my brain again, thanks to this app.
    6. spotify-app-icon-01Spotify.
      Having your own music is fine, I guess.  But I like accessing all music all the time all the places.  Spotify allows me to listen to any artist that I want (except Taylor Swift, curse her beautiful genius brain!) and create playlists that make roadtrips infinitely more bearable.  One friend handwaved Spotify away, insisting that Pandora was all he needed.  I insisted that they serve two very different purposes:  Pandora introduces you to artists you might never have heard, and Spotify allows you to explore their discography and listen to everything they’ve ever made.
    7. unnamedgbGoodbudget.
      I love being careful with money, so obviously a budget app is right up my alley.  I like Goodbudget because I can create virtual envelopes for various needs:  “Groceries,” “Gas,” “Restaurants.”  It keeps me honest throughout the week, and reminds me that, oh hey, I went to Chick-fil-a twice already this week, so maybe I should stop spending money there for a while.  I can always use that kind of accountability.

Which apps are your favorite?  Leave a comment and let me know!

4 Guilty Pleasures

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Whenever I feel guilty or ashamed about liking something, my coping strategy goes like this:  casually mention it in a way disassociated from myself.  Bring it up again, with a little humor added.  Talk about it ALL THE TIME ALWAYS until people beg me to shut up.  Write a blog post about it.

Although I have grown in self-confidence and I don’t quite care as much what people think about me or my opinions, my guilty pleasures are still pleasures that make me feel guilty, as though I am too old, too mature, too whatever to like the things that I like.  I will probably always have the spectre of Other People’s Judgments hanging over my head, but today I’m saying “I don’t care!” by fangirling real hard about the dumb things that I love.  Continue reading →

Looking Back: Well That’s Embarrassing

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I’ve always fallen hard for male singers who can rock a falsetto, so it’s no surprise that I loved Darren Hayes’s Insatiable when it came out in 2002.  I never owned the song, but I distinctly remember shrieking with joy every Sunday morning it cracked the Top 40 on the radio.  I would dance around my room, singing every word as I got ready for church.

Ten years later, idly searching for new songs to buy on iTunes, Insatiable came to mind.  I bought it, downloaded it, and listened to it.  My mouth dropped open and my face grew beet red.  I imagined myself singing the lyrics on Sunday morning, one door down from my mom getting ready for church.  Had she listened to me sing this?

Look, okay, here’s the song.  Continue reading →

My Brief Obsession with Soccer

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I’ve never been very into televised sports (Olympics obviously exempted), but in the summer of 2014, the stars aligned and I became intensely invested in the World Cup.  That was the summer that Liz and Mallory and I were having a Senegal reunion, and I was annoyed by how often our text planning devolved into the two of them talking about soccer.  In a desperate attempt to fit in, I agreed to watch the USA vs. Portugal match.  I knew a girl I follow on tumblr was fanatical about “her son” Christiano Ronaldo, so I rooted for Portugal.  Although they lost, I was hooked on the game.

It was a perfect setup.  Liz was the soccer aficionado who could explain offside rules and eloquently describe the beauty of the long choreography that led to a goal.  Mallory was the man appreciator who responded “YESSS” to my texts of “take off your shirt!!”  I was particularly in love with Ronaldo (albeit briefly because of Portugal’s loss) and Mesut Ozil, who someone described as a big-eyed orphan boy, and my heart was gone.  Continue reading →