Meet My Fanfiction Joe Biden

Hint: He’s really into ice cream.

My friend Elizabeth has a wonderful habit of sending me pictures of Joe Biden with “made-up” scenarios and conversations attached.  I say “made-up” because no one really knows the reality, and I choose to believe that life is exactly as she has described it.  They’re too good to keep to myself, so with Elizabeth’s permission, they can live on this blog forever.  Enjoy!

(Click the picture to see the in-context Twitter page from which they came.)


 

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*phone rings*
Joe: It’s Barack! Everyone say, “Hi, Barack!!”
Costco people: Hi, Barack!!
Joe: Hey Barry, what’s up? Oh, not much, just here at the NEW COSTCO, YEAH BABY!! [pause] mm-hm. Yes, I can pick up some chocolate babka for Michelle’s dinner party, no problem. This is literally the best thing; they gave me my own card and everything.
*hangs up*
Okay, Barack says I need to get a chocolate babka. I had better sample all of these chocolate babkas to make sure I get the best one, right, Janet? God, I love Barry. I mean babka. I love babka.


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“I want to make like the fro-yo bars, but with ice cream. I mean, c’mon, President Park, who wants a bowl this big of fro-yo when you could have ice cream, right?”


 

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“Happy 55th, Barack!  A brother to me, a best friend forever.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is ACTUALLY a REAL tweet made by Vice President Joe Biden, and that caption is HIS actual words.  My heart!


 

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“Barack hey Barack happy birthday man, are you going to eat the key lime pie? Just wondering, just wondering, no reason”

“It is just that key lime is my favorite, but it’s your birthday, okay”

 


 

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“I kid you not, Arseniy, I asked for an ice cream, and Michelle brought me a carrot. A fuckin’ carrot! But it was all in good fun, see, because then after she and Jill got done laughing at me, she brought out a waffle cone with four scoops of banana-chocolate rocky road. Four scoops! That was one helluva annual Secret Service family picnic, I tell you.”


 

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“Barack, I got you a cone too. Barack? Barack? hi, I have your cone!”


 

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“It’s okay. No, I just wanted two cones; I knew you were getting your own. It’s not like this is a date or anything, ha ha”


 

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“Michelle *said* they didn’t plant those tall bushes between our pools on purpose, but I don’t know. I just don’t know.”


 

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“Butterfly kisses, after bedtime prayer…”


 

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“OH. MY. GOD. Is that a CHOCOLATE WAFFLE??”


 

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“And then, see, the corgi jumps off the pier and does a belly flop in the lake! Gets me every time. Isn’t that great? Isn’t that so funny, Barack?”

“Yeah, that’s great, Joe!”


 

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This is so perfect I can’t even caption it. I only wish I could frame it and look at it forever. Such pure joy.


 

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