A Political Fanfiction

by Elizabeth and Tricia

Justin and Angela, the ultimate buddy cop duo, team up to defeat international spy Vlad Poutine.

Starring 

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Justin Trudeau as Justin

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Angela Merkel as Angela

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Joe Biden as Joe

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Barack Obama as Barry

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The Hemsworth brothers as Chris and Liam

and Trumbledorf as himself


Justin and Angela stumbled down the boulevard.  Justin pushed this wavy hair back, causing a surfer fifty feet away to fall off his board.  Angela’s hair was immaculate, despite her having just run ten miles over rocky terrain.  “There!” she said, pointing ahead.

She had seen the giant sign for “Frozen Joe’s,” Hawaii’s best-selling ice cream stand.  The man leaning over the counter of the ice cream shop was the spitting image of the giant face on the sign: same Ray-Bans, same cheeky smile.  The sign didn’t include the highlighter yellow tank top that the real man was wearing today.  Against all odds, it made his teeth appear even whiter.

“What can I get you?” Joe asked.  “Vanilla?  Strawberry?”

Justin leaned against the counter, and Angela rolled her eyes at him.  “I was thinking something more along the lines of…mint chocolate chip.”

Joe reached beneath the counter and pulled out an AK-47.  Impossibly, his smile grew wider.  “I know someone who’s been waiting to see you.”

 

The speedboat crashed over the crest of a wave, jolting Justin into the man standing behind the steering wheel.  Justin glanced at his partner to make sure she was okay.  Angela was calmly eating her mojito-flavored ice cream cone.  She paused and fired two shots off the back of the boat, ducking for cover when the KGB agents behind them returned fire.

Over the noise, Justin shouted, “I never thought we’d reunite under these conditions.”

Barry grinned.  It seemed like he’d aged backward in the time since they’d last met.  Hawaii looked good on him, Justin thought.

“Really?” Barry asked.  “This is exactly how I imagined it.”

They shared a small smile, but Angela had no time for them.  She tossed the last of her cone over the side, put her gun on safety, and strode toward them.  “We need to hurry.  According to our last transmission, Chris and Liam are tied up at the Volcanoes National Park’s visitor’s center, and I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t save them before Trumbledorf starts showing them his Instagram feed of ‘things that are orange.’”

Fin


Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Sunday Summary #52

1|  If you can’t travel as often or as diversely as you’d like, all hope is not lost!  This article does a beautiful job of suggesting ways to bring the world to you.

2|  President Obama surprised Joe Biden by giving him a Medal of Freedom, and I legitimately cried.

Meet My Fanfiction Joe Biden

Hint: He’s really into ice cream.

My friend Elizabeth has a wonderful habit of sending me pictures of Joe Biden with “made-up” scenarios and conversations attached.  I say “made-up” because no one really knows the reality, and I choose to believe that life is exactly as she has described it.  They’re too good to keep to myself, so with Elizabeth’s permission, they can live on this blog forever.  Enjoy!

(Click the picture to see the in-context Twitter page from which they came.)


 

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*phone rings*
Joe: It’s Barack! Everyone say, “Hi, Barack!!”
Costco people: Hi, Barack!!
Joe: Hey Barry, what’s up? Oh, not much, just here at the NEW COSTCO, YEAH BABY!! [pause] mm-hm. Yes, I can pick up some chocolate babka for Michelle’s dinner party, no problem. This is literally the best thing; they gave me my own card and everything.
*hangs up*
Okay, Barack says I need to get a chocolate babka. I had better sample all of these chocolate babkas to make sure I get the best one, right, Janet? God, I love Barry. I mean babka. I love babka.


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“I want to make like the fro-yo bars, but with ice cream. I mean, c’mon, President Park, who wants a bowl this big of fro-yo when you could have ice cream, right?”


 

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“Happy 55th, Barack!  A brother to me, a best friend forever.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is ACTUALLY a REAL tweet made by Vice President Joe Biden, and that caption is HIS actual words.  My heart!


 

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“Barack hey Barack happy birthday man, are you going to eat the key lime pie? Just wondering, just wondering, no reason”

“It is just that key lime is my favorite, but it’s your birthday, okay”

 


 

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“I kid you not, Arseniy, I asked for an ice cream, and Michelle brought me a carrot. A fuckin’ carrot! But it was all in good fun, see, because then after she and Jill got done laughing at me, she brought out a waffle cone with four scoops of banana-chocolate rocky road. Four scoops! That was one helluva annual Secret Service family picnic, I tell you.”


 

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“Barack, I got you a cone too. Barack? Barack? hi, I have your cone!”


 

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“It’s okay. No, I just wanted two cones; I knew you were getting your own. It’s not like this is a date or anything, ha ha”


 

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“Michelle *said* they didn’t plant those tall bushes between our pools on purpose, but I don’t know. I just don’t know.”


 

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“Butterfly kisses, after bedtime prayer…”


 

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“OH. MY. GOD. Is that a CHOCOLATE WAFFLE??”


 

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“And then, see, the corgi jumps off the pier and does a belly flop in the lake! Gets me every time. Isn’t that great? Isn’t that so funny, Barack?”

“Yeah, that’s great, Joe!”


 

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This is so perfect I can’t even caption it. I only wish I could frame it and look at it forever. Such pure joy.


 

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