A Political Fanfiction

by Elizabeth and Tricia

Justin and Angela, the ultimate buddy cop duo, team up to defeat international spy Vlad Poutine.

Starring 

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Justin Trudeau as Justin

angela-merkel
Angela Merkel as Angela

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Joe Biden as Joe

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Barack Obama as Barry

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The Hemsworth brothers as Chris and Liam

and Trumbledorf as himself


Justin and Angela stumbled down the boulevard.  Justin pushed this wavy hair back, causing a surfer fifty feet away to fall off his board.  Angela’s hair was immaculate, despite her having just run ten miles over rocky terrain.  “There!” she said, pointing ahead.

She had seen the giant sign for “Frozen Joe’s,” Hawaii’s best-selling ice cream stand.  The man leaning over the counter of the ice cream shop was the spitting image of the giant face on the sign: same Ray-Bans, same cheeky smile.  The sign didn’t include the highlighter yellow tank top that the real man was wearing today.  Against all odds, it made his teeth appear even whiter.

“What can I get you?” Joe asked.  “Vanilla?  Strawberry?”

Justin leaned against the counter, and Angela rolled her eyes at him.  “I was thinking something more along the lines of…mint chocolate chip.”

Joe reached beneath the counter and pulled out an AK-47.  Impossibly, his smile grew wider.  “I know someone who’s been waiting to see you.”

 

The speedboat crashed over the crest of a wave, jolting Justin into the man standing behind the steering wheel.  Justin glanced at his partner to make sure she was okay.  Angela was calmly eating her mojito-flavored ice cream cone.  She paused and fired two shots off the back of the boat, ducking for cover when the KGB agents behind them returned fire.

Over the noise, Justin shouted, “I never thought we’d reunite under these conditions.”

Barry grinned.  It seemed like he’d aged backward in the time since they’d last met.  Hawaii looked good on him, Justin thought.

“Really?” Barry asked.  “This is exactly how I imagined it.”

They shared a small smile, but Angela had no time for them.  She tossed the last of her cone over the side, put her gun on safety, and strode toward them.  “We need to hurry.  According to our last transmission, Chris and Liam are tied up at the Volcanoes National Park’s visitor’s center, and I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t save them before Trumbledorf starts showing them his Instagram feed of ‘things that are orange.’”

Fin


Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Let’s Talk About…’90s NOSTALGIA

Tricia:  Are you ready for some ’90s throwback nostalgia?

Elizabeth:  Yes, but I was not paying much attention to pop culture in the ’90s.  Also, we didn’t have cable growing up.
I think I may have missed some things.

Tricia:  I didn’t have cable either!
So all the TV shows I’m going to bring up were well within your ability to watch.

Elizabeth:  So I have no excuse for not knowing all these things, is what you’re saying.

Tricia:  Yes.  🙂

Elizabeth:  IS WISHBONE ON THIS LIST.  If not, your list is invalid.

Tricia:  …it’s not.

Elizabeth:  Well, that was short.

Tricia:  I veered more toward late ’90s / me as a pre-teen (because of the reason this all began…JTT).

Elizabeth:  You’re never too old to watch Wishbone, Tricia.  But okay.  Begin with JTT.  Explain who that is for the readers at home.   Continue reading

Let’s Talk About…PRO-LIFE: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

I will not apologize for the fact that my conversations with Elizabeth frequently revolve around Tom Hiddleston and other men blessed by God’s artistic prowess, but you know.  Sometimes we talk about slightly more important things, like politics, abortion, and social change! 


Tricia:  THIS is our next Obama/Biden bromance!?

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Elizabeth:  NO.
No, because you’re going to help elect Hillary, right?
And then we never have to hear from these idiots again.

Tricia:  Should our next Let’s Talk About be about politics?

Elizabeth:  Hm.  Maybe.  About 80% of my conversations about national politics these days devolve into me ranting about the hypocrisy of the allegedly pro-life party blocking birth control access.  Is that on brand for your blog?
Because it is an OUTRAGE.

Tricia:  Ooo yes!
What’s your definition of pro-life?   Continue reading

Let’s Talk About…HOT MEN THROUGHOUT THE DECADES (1960s-2010s)

Yesterday Elizabeth enlightened me on the hottest men from 1910-1950.  Since I have very little knowledge of the hottest men of yesteryear, she got very little pushback.  Today…I have some opinions!  


[Click HERE to read our earlier conversation and what led to Elizabeth saying…]

Elizabeth: Just to splash some cold water on you

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Elizabeth:  For the 1960s I have again chosen Cary Grant, because his perfection cannot be contained by one decade.

Tricia:  HAHAHA

Elizabeth:  I realize this is cheating, and I don’t care.

Tricia:  I approve of your cheating.
Truly Hot Men are Always Hot Continue reading

Let’s Talk About…HOT MEN THROUGHOUT THE DECADES (1910s-1950s)

The most important thing we have ever contributed to the Internet.


Elizabeth:  OKAY.
I am prepared to submit my Definitive Dudes of the Decades Report, complete with illustrative gifs, whenever it is convenient for you.
Please advise.

Tricia:  I’m ready!  Hit me with some hot men!

Elizabeth:  Okay, so here’s the situation:
I know we usually do jokey discussions for the blog, but this is a very important topic that is close to my heart.
What happened, just to recap, is that yesterday you confessed to me that you didn’t know many crush-worthy movie stars from the decades prior to 1980.  And this is sad!

Tricia:  It is sad.
I am eager to be educated about hot men from all times.
I will not joke at all.

Elizabeth:  Let us begin.
1910s

Tricia:  wait wait

Elizabeth:  what?

Tricia:  What is my role?  How am I supposed to respond?

Elizabeth:  I mean, how does your heart want to respond to these gifs?

Tricia:  Ah, okay, I can listen to my heart and then immediately verbalize it without forethought.   Continue reading

Let’s Talk About…Captain America

If you don’t know what The Toast is, too late, it’s about to shut down.  But never fear, Elizabeth and I are here to fulfill the internet’s need for besties shouting at each other via online chat platforms.


Tricia:  GASP that reminds me did you watch Captain America Civil War?

Elizabeth: does it have Loki in it?

Tricia:  No, but there’s a part where Captain America (wearing a tight grey t-shirt) holds onto a helicopter and a building, and HIS ARMS THO.  I blushed and had to cover my face in the theater.

Elizabeth:  ❤

Tricia:  I have never been more interested in the gun show.

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Elizabeth:  wow
like
I’m not generally into the muscular types, but wow
WOW   Continue reading

Let’s Talk About … Aliens (BONUS CONTENT)

with Elizabeth

And now for something completely different!  LOL just kidding; Elizabeth and Tricia are obviously not yet (and probably never will be) finished talking about aliens.

Fair warning:  If you don’t like curse words that start with “f,” you might want to give this one a pass, since our recurring joke relies on it. Continue reading