A Political Fanfiction

by Elizabeth and Tricia

Justin and Angela, the ultimate buddy cop duo, team up to defeat international spy Vlad Poutine.

Starring 

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Justin Trudeau as Justin

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Angela Merkel as Angela

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Joe Biden as Joe

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Barack Obama as Barry

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The Hemsworth brothers as Chris and Liam

and Trumbledorf as himself


Justin and Angela stumbled down the boulevard.  Justin pushed this wavy hair back, causing a surfer fifty feet away to fall off his board.  Angela’s hair was immaculate, despite her having just run ten miles over rocky terrain.  “There!” she said, pointing ahead.

She had seen the giant sign for “Frozen Joe’s,” Hawaii’s best-selling ice cream stand.  The man leaning over the counter of the ice cream shop was the spitting image of the giant face on the sign: same Ray-Bans, same cheeky smile.  The sign didn’t include the highlighter yellow tank top that the real man was wearing today.  Against all odds, it made his teeth appear even whiter.

“What can I get you?” Joe asked.  “Vanilla?  Strawberry?”

Justin leaned against the counter, and Angela rolled her eyes at him.  “I was thinking something more along the lines of…mint chocolate chip.”

Joe reached beneath the counter and pulled out an AK-47.  Impossibly, his smile grew wider.  “I know someone who’s been waiting to see you.”

 

The speedboat crashed over the crest of a wave, jolting Justin into the man standing behind the steering wheel.  Justin glanced at his partner to make sure she was okay.  Angela was calmly eating her mojito-flavored ice cream cone.  She paused and fired two shots off the back of the boat, ducking for cover when the KGB agents behind them returned fire.

Over the noise, Justin shouted, “I never thought we’d reunite under these conditions.”

Barry grinned.  It seemed like he’d aged backward in the time since they’d last met.  Hawaii looked good on him, Justin thought.

“Really?” Barry asked.  “This is exactly how I imagined it.”

They shared a small smile, but Angela had no time for them.  She tossed the last of her cone over the side, put her gun on safety, and strode toward them.  “We need to hurry.  According to our last transmission, Chris and Liam are tied up at the Volcanoes National Park’s visitor’s center, and I’ll never hear the end of it if I don’t save them before Trumbledorf starts showing them his Instagram feed of ‘things that are orange.’”

Fin


Happy Valentine’s Day!

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Meet My Fanfiction Joe Biden

Hint: He’s really into ice cream.

My friend Elizabeth has a wonderful habit of sending me pictures of Joe Biden with “made-up” scenarios and conversations attached.  I say “made-up” because no one really knows the reality, and I choose to believe that life is exactly as she has described it.  They’re too good to keep to myself, so with Elizabeth’s permission, they can live on this blog forever.  Enjoy!

(Click the picture to see the in-context Twitter page from which they came.)


 

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*phone rings*
Joe: It’s Barack! Everyone say, “Hi, Barack!!”
Costco people: Hi, Barack!!
Joe: Hey Barry, what’s up? Oh, not much, just here at the NEW COSTCO, YEAH BABY!! [pause] mm-hm. Yes, I can pick up some chocolate babka for Michelle’s dinner party, no problem. This is literally the best thing; they gave me my own card and everything.
*hangs up*
Okay, Barack says I need to get a chocolate babka. I had better sample all of these chocolate babkas to make sure I get the best one, right, Janet? God, I love Barry. I mean babka. I love babka.


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“I want to make like the fro-yo bars, but with ice cream. I mean, c’mon, President Park, who wants a bowl this big of fro-yo when you could have ice cream, right?”


 

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“Happy 55th, Barack!  A brother to me, a best friend forever.”

EDITOR’S NOTE: This is ACTUALLY a REAL tweet made by Vice President Joe Biden, and that caption is HIS actual words.  My heart!


 

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“Barack hey Barack happy birthday man, are you going to eat the key lime pie? Just wondering, just wondering, no reason”

“It is just that key lime is my favorite, but it’s your birthday, okay”

 


 

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“I kid you not, Arseniy, I asked for an ice cream, and Michelle brought me a carrot. A fuckin’ carrot! But it was all in good fun, see, because then after she and Jill got done laughing at me, she brought out a waffle cone with four scoops of banana-chocolate rocky road. Four scoops! That was one helluva annual Secret Service family picnic, I tell you.”


 

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“Barack, I got you a cone too. Barack? Barack? hi, I have your cone!”


 

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“It’s okay. No, I just wanted two cones; I knew you were getting your own. It’s not like this is a date or anything, ha ha”


 

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“Michelle *said* they didn’t plant those tall bushes between our pools on purpose, but I don’t know. I just don’t know.”


 

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“Butterfly kisses, after bedtime prayer…”


 

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“OH. MY. GOD. Is that a CHOCOLATE WAFFLE??”


 

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“And then, see, the corgi jumps off the pier and does a belly flop in the lake! Gets me every time. Isn’t that great? Isn’t that so funny, Barack?”

“Yeah, that’s great, Joe!”


 

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This is so perfect I can’t even caption it. I only wish I could frame it and look at it forever. Such pure joy.


 

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Letters Between Friends: TANNER’S ORCHARD AND APPLE CIDER DONUTS

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Dear Tricia,

Fall weather has hit. Like a pumpkin pie to the face. After the weekend, we went from 89 to 67 yesterday and 59 today.

I do know that you enjoy fall and warm-like clothing, but I don’t remember your feelings on Tanners. Completely nostalgic, yet terribly overpriced, but I will probably be back every year, and of course those apple cider donuts…yeah…that place.

We went there today. After we picked up the girls at school Mom and I took them out to frolic in the brisk air.  Nathan has a soft spot for the apple cider donuts so of course we sent him a picture to rub in his bearded face…

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We played on all the fun trains & buses &slides.  I really wonder what goes through a kid’s mind sometime when they come to a place like this with SO much stuff today.  I feel like I would be so overwhelmed I’d shut down and just watch…but Ruthie was like a pinball in a pinball machine.  *ping*ping*ping*  Continue reading

Let’s Talk About…’90s NOSTALGIA

Tricia:  Are you ready for some ’90s throwback nostalgia?

Elizabeth:  Yes, but I was not paying much attention to pop culture in the ’90s.  Also, we didn’t have cable growing up.
I think I may have missed some things.

Tricia:  I didn’t have cable either!
So all the TV shows I’m going to bring up were well within your ability to watch.

Elizabeth:  So I have no excuse for not knowing all these things, is what you’re saying.

Tricia:  Yes.  🙂

Elizabeth:  IS WISHBONE ON THIS LIST.  If not, your list is invalid.

Tricia:  …it’s not.

Elizabeth:  Well, that was short.

Tricia:  I veered more toward late ’90s / me as a pre-teen (because of the reason this all began…JTT).

Elizabeth:  You’re never too old to watch Wishbone, Tricia.  But okay.  Begin with JTT.  Explain who that is for the readers at home.   Continue reading

Let’s Talk About…PRO-LIFE: YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG

I will not apologize for the fact that my conversations with Elizabeth frequently revolve around Tom Hiddleston and other men blessed by God’s artistic prowess, but you know.  Sometimes we talk about slightly more important things, like politics, abortion, and social change! 


Tricia:  THIS is our next Obama/Biden bromance!?

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Elizabeth:  NO.
No, because you’re going to help elect Hillary, right?
And then we never have to hear from these idiots again.

Tricia:  Should our next Let’s Talk About be about politics?

Elizabeth:  Hm.  Maybe.  About 80% of my conversations about national politics these days devolve into me ranting about the hypocrisy of the allegedly pro-life party blocking birth control access.  Is that on brand for your blog?
Because it is an OUTRAGE.

Tricia:  Ooo yes!
What’s your definition of pro-life?   Continue reading

Letters Between Friends: SUNSHINE & SUMMERTIME with 70SPF

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Dear Tricia,

How is it that I move from a job where I have summers off BACK to a job where I work year round and this has been one of the funnest summers yet!?

I’ve been working hard to make it a point to take the girls places and do fun summer things…BUT also making sure they see all the work.

But let’s get serious…when you’re “working” with a 2 and almost 4-year-old, everything is entertaining!

Our Summer Activity…

1.      We are outside with LOTS with animals.  We have acquired quite a few animals lately, which requires lots of extra time outside…

The Kittens… Charlotte & Mona  Continue reading

Let’s Talk About…HOT MEN THROUGHOUT THE DECADES (1960s-2010s)

Yesterday Elizabeth enlightened me on the hottest men from 1910-1950.  Since I have very little knowledge of the hottest men of yesteryear, she got very little pushback.  Today…I have some opinions!  


[Click HERE to read our earlier conversation and what led to Elizabeth saying…]

Elizabeth: Just to splash some cold water on you

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Elizabeth:  For the 1960s I have again chosen Cary Grant, because his perfection cannot be contained by one decade.

Tricia:  HAHAHA

Elizabeth:  I realize this is cheating, and I don’t care.

Tricia:  I approve of your cheating.
Truly Hot Men are Always Hot Continue reading