Author: Trish

Modern Romance by Aziz Ansari

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I loved this book far more than I anticipated.  I like memoirs written by comedians, so I knew I would pick up Aziz’s when it came out.  I love him in Parks & Recreation, and his stand up on Netflix is some of the smartest, most modern, most feminist comedy I’ve seen.  I knew his book would be funny.  I did not expect it to be so smart!  He’s an insightful guy, but teamed up with Eric Klinenberg, sociologist, this book is everything my humor-loving sociology-major heart could want.

I found it fascinating to look back at courtships of yesteryear (aka 30 or 40 years ago) and compare them to my struggles as a single with an iPhone.  So much has changed with the advent of the Internet and phone apps that allow us to check out singles all over the world.  In an especially effective analogy, Ansari likens dating to a hallway.  Men and women used to enter a hallway with four or five doorways–they peeked through a couple, found one that wasn’t too horrible, and walked through.  Now, singles stand in a hallway with millions of doorways.  This enormity of options means that we are more likely to find someone who aligns closely with our interests, values, and personality.  But it also means that we are often paralyzed, terrified to walk through any doorway for fear that the next one down will be better.

Ansari hilariously describes and analyzes the frustrations of modern dating.  I appreciated his honest assessment of the good and the bad, and I really appreciated how he managed to find humor in it all.  I finished the book both thankful and horrified to be in the dating world at this time in world history.  But at least now I have the tools to understand what I’m going through and hopefully wade through the complications a little more effectively.

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At some point, every one of us embarks on a journey to find love.  We meet people, date, get into and out of relationships, all with the hope of finding someone with whom we share a deep connection.  This seems standard now, but it’s wildly different from what people did even just decades ago.  Single people today have more romantic options than at any point in human history.  With technology, our ability to connect with and sort through these options is staggering.  Just a few years ago, in 2010, 10% of single Americans said they met their significant other online.  Three years later, in 2013, that number was up to 35%.  We are truly in a new world.  What’s the good in all this change?  What’s the bad?  Why are so many people frustrated?

Some of our problems are unique to our time:  “Why did this guy just text me an emoji of a pizza?”  “Should I go out with this girl even though she listed Combos as one of her favorite food snacks?  Combos?!”  “My girlfriend just got a message from some dude named Nathan.  Who’s Nathan?  Did he just send her a picture of his penis?  Should I check just to be sure?”

But the transformation of our romantic lives can’t be explained by technology alone.  In a short period of time, the whole culture of finding love has changed dramatically.  A few decades ago people would find a decent person who lived in their neighborhood.  Their families would meet and, after deciding neither party seemed like a murderer, they would get married and soon have a kid–all by the time they were twenty-four.  Today, people marry later than ever and spend years of their lives on a quest to find the perfect person, a soul mate.

For years, Aziz Ansari has been aiming his comic insight at modern romance, but for Modern Romance, the book, he decided to take things to another level.  He teamed up with NYU sociologist Eric Klinenberg and designed a massive research project, including hundreds of interviews and focus groups conducted everywhere from Tokyo to Buenos Aires to Wichita.  They analyzed behavioral data and surveys and created their own online research forum on Reddit, which drew thousands of messages.  They enlisted the world’s leading social scientists, including Andrew Cherlin, Eli Finkel, Helen Fisher, Sheena Iyengar, Barry Schwartz, Sherry Turkle, and Robb Willer.  The result is Modern Romance, a marriage of cutting-edge social science and razor-sharp humor to form an assessment of our new romantic world that is as funny as it is groundbreaking.

Release Date:  June 2015

My Dallas Church Preached a Sermon on Singleness, and I Lost My Mind

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It’s not very often that I hear a sermon and mentally scream, “IS THIS REAL LIFE?” but my good friend Mike Stroh preached on singleness at my Dallas church, and it IS real life.  I remember very specifically one Father’s Day sermon years ago that exalted marriage and parenthood, and I sat there biting back tears thinking, “this is not for me, this is not for me, this is not for me.”  I felt so incredibly alone in my church pew.  THIS SERMON, however, made me want to dance around screaming, “this is for me! this is for me!”

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Click this picture to listen to the podcast!

Mike opens the sermon assuring listeners that this is not a token sermon to make singles feel better, it is instead a theology of singleness for everyone, from which everyone should learn.  Thus begins Mike’s habit of using incredibly specific terms that my single friends and I have complained about the church not using.  I’ve had many lunches where my single friends lamented the lack of a theology of singleness – we talk about the biblical basis of marriage ALL THE TIME and so it is valued.  Why don’t we talk about the biblical basis for singleness?  (For the record, Mike is married to the amazing Libby Stroh, which makes me love his sermon even more.  Being married is, in our Christian culture, the privileged position, and it is mostly from the mouths of the privileged that change can occur.)   Continue reading →

Deep Thoughts at the Parthenon (in Nashville)

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I left Stephanie this morning, which sucked, but I went immediately to the Parthenon in Nashville, which helped.  It’s 80 degrees and breezy, so I walked around in the grass holding my shoes.  I stuck in my earbuds and let the “Finding Neverland” soundtrack convince me that life is magical, and my life is beautiful.  I enjoyed the feeling of perfect contentment that comes from a perfect moment.

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Last night I had dinner with Kyle (a friend from my church youth group days) and his wife.  We discussed being no-longer-Baptist, and some of the more mystical reasons why we don’t fit in the denomination that raised us.  He said his pet theological theory is that while taking Communion, time and space collapse.  In that moment, you’re taking the bread and the wine with all believers around the planet and throughout time.  More than that, you are experiencing Jesus’s death on the cross each week while you take the elements – not that Jesus dies again and again (his love and power is such that it’s only necessary once) but the act of Communion is otherworldly.  He dies as we drink and eat, and we are saved.

Standing at the Parthenon, I kept thinking about time and space collapsing.  Granted, this facsimile is not the same as the one sitting on the Acropolis in Athens.  But as I walked its corridors and touched its pillars, I felt like time was collapsing.  I’ve circled Greece for so long.  It was the first place I went when I left the United States.  I returned two more times.  I love its history and its mythology.  I reconnected with Greek friends, who offered me a job, and soon I will make Greece my home for a year.

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Standing in Nashville, Tennessee, staring at Greek friezes on a remade Parthenon halfway through my road trip to raise funds so that I can live in Greece and stand in front of the first Parthenon, time and space collapsed.  God’s ways are mysterious and scary, but so good.  I can’t wait to take this next step and see where it takes me.

Paddleboarding and a Reunion in Atlanta

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Waking up yesterday on the lake was one of life’s simple pleasures.  I opened the blinds, and looked out to see the sun high above the water (sleeping in is also one of life’s simple pleasures).  Stephanie and I ate breakfast with her family, then she taught me how to paddleboard.

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For those not in the know, paddleboards are bigger surfboards with a greater ability to balance.  You’re supposed to stand upright on them, propelling yourself across the water with an oar, looking a little like Jesus on a Segway.  My comparison to Jesus is intentional, because watching Stephanie navigate gracefully over the water looked like some kind of supernatural miracle.  And I very rarely experience miracles.

Since I can barely swim in an ocean with high buoyancy levels, I knew death was immanent if I fell off the paddleboard.  On went my lifejacket, and then Stephanie helped me kneel on my paddleboard.  I moved forward with my oar, and she praised me very highly, like a child taking their first shaking steps.  Like a child, I blossomed under her praise and stopped sitting on my heels, balancing on my knees instead.

IMG_7337 Continue reading →

Sunday Summary #2: What’s on the Internet

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My Internet browsing opportunities have been scarce while roadtripping, but I did manage to come across a couple wonderful Internet gems.  Enjoy!

Articles

1|  Felines of New York

It’s like Humans of New York, but with cats and a lot of sass.  Obviously, Felines of New York is the culmination of all the Internet has to offer the world.

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2| Ant-Man Sequel

After watching Ant-Man, all I wanted in the Marvel universe was a chance to see Evangeline Lilly as the Wasp (and, okay, a Loki cameo in every movie for no particular reason).  It looks like my wish is coming true!  The Mary Sue says we’ll be getting Ant-Man and the Wasp in July 2018!

3| Kitten + Owl 4eva!

My aunt linked me to this Facebook post of four photos of a baby owl and kitten curling up together to sleep, and it is the cutest thing in the entire world.  Look at it!!

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4| Letting Go of What’s Not Coming Back

Although I often side-eye women ministries, I really enjoyed the Beth Moore studies in which I’ve participated.  This article is a little flowery to begin, but then it gets SO POWERFUL.  Very good read if you’re grieving the loss of something, regretting something you’ve done, dreading something that’s coming, or wishing you had something that you don’t.

“We’re here too brief a time on this finicky soil to spend days on end grieving what could have been. We’ll talk to Jesus about that when we get Home. We’ll have forever then. For now…
Let it go.
So something new can grow.
Water it with your tears if you must but release your fears that nothing but nothingness is ahead for you. Is God your God? As sure as He is, new life is coming.
All the deadness did not manage to kill you. You are stronger than you thought. Stretch out your arms like mighty branches even if, for now, they’re as thin as sticks. It is to your Father’s glory that you bear much fruit.”

Videos

After eating as much Asian food as possible with Elizabeth in and around the DC area, this BuzzFeed video felt very timely.  I can’t say the black bean soup is something I want to try, but everything else looks potentially delicious!

The Illyrian Adventure by Lloyd Alexander

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There has never been a better opening paragraph than this one:

Miss Vesper Holly has the digestive talents of a goat and the mind of a chess master.  She is familiar with half a dozen languages and can swear fluently in all of them.  She understands the use of a slide rule but prefers doing calculations in her head.  She does not hesitate to risk life and limb–mine as well as her own.  No doubt she has other qualities as yet undiscovered.  I hope not.

Now that is a heroine.  From the first page (and every page thereafter) I was completely enthralled by Vesper’s persuasive wit.  Added to the fantastic characters was a really fun plot–an Indiana Jones-type treasure-seeking adventure.  The book is short, and its brevity quickens the novel’s pace.  Where modern YA books might describe long treks through the jungle or every detail of a banquet, Alexander bypasses these scenes with clever paragraphs that add to the dry humor of the story.

I really enjoyed reading about Vesper and Brinnie’s adventures, and I will definitely be on the lookout for more in the series in future. Continue reading →

Life on the Lake

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I enjoyed another slow morning at Aunt Sue’s apartment, although this time it was bittersweet because her being at work meant I wasn’t going to see her again.  I’ve so much enjoyed getting to know my family members, but I just don’t come through South Carolina or Alabama that often!  I hate that I might not get to see them again for a long time.  This is the avoidant personality’s dilemma – loving more people means more pain, so why love more people?  Because they’re SO GREAT, I can’t help myself.

Those feelings got buried, however, because at 1:00 I headed to see Stephanie Broach!  She’s staying at her parent’s house in Birmingham, and it was immediately easy to be together.  Too late, perhaps, I realized that we’d never really hung out one-on-one in Dallas, but after a day together, I wish we had!  She showed me a book of famous letters (like King Darius and Alexander the Great trash talking each other in the most epic prose), and then we drove two hours to her grandparent’s house on Lake Martin.   Continue reading →

Oh Hey, Friday! #5 THINGS I MISS

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It’s another round of the Oh Hey, Friday! link-up from September Farm and 5 on Friday from A. Liz Adventures!  

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TODAY’S FIVE:  things I miss while roadtripping

1|  Rory

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No surprise here:  I miss my cuddly little furbucket every single day.  Life is just so much more enjoyable when I wake up to a purring cat sitting by my head, who follows me around during the day, sits on me whenever possible, and puts his tiny beanfoot on my face to get my attention.

I had partially planned that this month-long separation would prepare me to leave him for a year when I move to Greece, but instead I’m just dreading it even more.   Continue reading →

A Slower Day in Alabama

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I’ve been on the road for eleven days.  I’m enjoying it immensely, but I was craving a break.  Luckily, I am staying with my great-aunt Sue for two nights, and she works during the day.  I got to sleep in, lounge around lazily during the morning, then use Starbucks’ wifi in the afternoon!  I didn’t have to talk to anybody, do anything, or pay attention to traffic.

Aunt Sue is a wonderful hostess.  I woke up to notes on the counter encouraging me to eat everything she owns and also use the Steak N Shake gift card and $20 she left for me.  I LOVE BEING SPOILED.  She also bought a bunch of smoothie ingredients because Grandma told her I like them, so naturally, that’s what I ate for breakfast.   Continue reading →

Connecting with Family in South Carolina and Alabama

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While I was planning my road trip and living with my grandparents, they told me about two relatives who lived along my route. As a second cousin and a great aunt, I’d seen them at funerals over the years, but I couldn’t say I really knew them. When I reached out, though, they quickly agreed to let me stay with them for a night or two. Family is cool like that – you’re tied together in a web of responsibility and affection despite being practically strangers.

Bill is my grandpa’s nephew.  He and his wife Diane offered to let me stay with them in Spartanburg, SC.
Sue is my grandma’s sister.  She let me stay with her in Alabaster, AL.   Continue reading →